How do you feel when your spouse completely forgets your birthday?

My husband forgot mine. I was really insulted. Not even a "happy birthday". Nothing.





I plan his birthday weeks in advance, and between my parents and myself, he gets hundreds of $$. We have been married for 4 years, and every year, my birthday is less and less important to him.





If he remembers, he goes out at the last minute and buys roses (I'm allergic to them, and he knows this, and i have told him the flowers I love, and he still buys roses).





He said that for his next birthday, I have permission to treat him badly and not buy him anything. That's ridiculous. I won't go down to that level.

How do you feel when your spouse completely forgets your birthday?
I hate to say it but men aren't known for remembering important stuff like that. BUT, since you actually reminded him, he can't use THAT excuse! LOL


My ex husband always forgot my b-day. We were together for 14 years. I would plan his b-day with great precision, give him the utmost love and attention on his b-day, starting first thing in the morning. But since he never really cared about my b-day, after 6 or 7 years I figured b-days must not be that important to him, so I tapered down on his "special" day.... limited it. Ultimately, on his last b-day with me he got 2 hot pickled sausages that are called "Hot Mamas." After all, it was one of his fantasies to have 2 hot women in his bed. Yes, I served them to him in bed. Maybe it was rotten but I wanted him to feel what I had been feeling for 14 years. Dismay, betrayal, lack of love and caring.
Reply:I agree! For my 30th my guy did nothing, worked that day, threw an ipod nano on the table, in the bag he bought it in, with the receipt and murmured Happy Birthday. Like you I planned his in advance buying him Dell speakers for his laptop, oh he got me a card but it was a "comedy" one that mentioned my breasts!


Men DO NOT get birthdays, I dont know why, they are afraid I think of really making an effort, going all out and then... you hate it and they feel like a massive failure, so they make no effort and rest assured their ego will be intact by the end.





I have spoken at length to my boyfriend and said that it hurts my feelings when so little effort is made and to please listen to what I would like... you know like no roses etc. Or that you will be deeply hurt and take it as an insult if he does not act on your advice.





You dont need to treat him badly to get back at him like you said, just be clear and make him aware it hurts you and it may cause you to fall out of love with him and want someone who cares a little more? Be brave! xxx
Reply:Why dont you have a make up birthday, i know it sounds silly but it mite make you feel better. It will aslo give you an excuse to have some fun with your husband. Have fun....and as the Mad Hatter says why celebrate one day, when you can celebrate 364 unbirthdays? Smile and enjoy your life together!
Reply:Thats Sad for you, but is he forgetful about other thing's ? If he is then I'd find away to remind him a couple day's before but if he just doesn't care then it's sad!
Reply:You should not let that worry you.


Just tighten up your realtionship.;
Reply:omg today is my birthday and my wife was mean to me on birthday and did nothing not even show love.
Reply:Being natural caregivers and nurturers its in our nature to go all out for the men in our lives, thats why it is so crushing when they dont do the same for us. Rest asured he didnt do this on purpose although that doesnt make you feel any better. Men just arent wired like us perfect creatures! Dont take it too badly. Who wants to be reminded they are another year older anyway? I stopped counting after 30!
Reply:You might think I'm going overboard, be he sounds very passive aggressive. Which is worse than cancer. It can't be cured. Maybe he's like this in other areas of your life. A birthday is a big deal, bigger if he forgets and makes little or no retribution. That says a LOT. You're right to be concerned.
Reply:this guy's a moron. No offense but I always try and make my wife's birthday special. We are on a budget but I'll make sure she doesn't lift a finger, that I cook a meal she like, be at her beck and call. I'll also get her a little gift or two but i try really hard to make it a special day for her. This year we were both sick so we postponed the festivities til next saturday.





Sorry to hear he forgets. Maybe you should forget his, forget to clean the house, forget supper, just start forgetting stuff and see who he deals with it.
Reply:Sorry to hear a bout that! Why not try forgetting to cook for a few days?! If he says anything say, oh, I forgot and maybe make something you know your husband doesn't like. Maybe he will get the hint.
Reply:he's a man.....it is not important to them....you do what you do for his birthday because you are a woman, it is important to you......why play games, a week before your birthday next year, remind him by mentioning where'd you would like to go out to eat.......





as far as the roses go.... he got you something then you complain, perhaps he just doesn't want to hear you complain so he does nothing.......
Reply:Perhaps he was just raised in a household where no big deal was made over birthdays. Apparently you have to accept him how he is and make your birthday what you want it to be. Treat yourself to something nice, go out to dinner, or do whatever would please you and invite friends or your hubby or both. Just because remembering that date isn't important to him, doesn't mean you cannot celebrate it any way you desire.
Reply:My husband had not "realised" it was my birthday and had made arrangements to do something else. Oh how he paid, he apologised and admitted he screwed up, so he was told to make it up to me, i got spoilt for 2 weeks not just on my birthday! He won't not realise again!!
Reply:Sounds like one of mine, I survived. Also forgot there's.
Reply:i also forgot my birth day
Reply:tell him it hurts you
Reply:Very shocked - because I dont have one!
Reply:I don't understand the big deal about Birthdays...and he is probably the same way. However, he should be willing to put forth effort to make you feel appreciated on your birthday - since it's important to you.





Maybe, at a time when you're not fighting or it's not your birthday you sit down with him and explain how you feel when he forgets your birthday. Maybe, next year remind him, "Hey, my birthday is in a few days, and it would be great if you could...." This may help him remember and he'll do something for you.





***Okay - I will edit this a little bit. In your original question you did not mention that you had told him. Are you nagging him about it? Are you giving him any reason to be irritated with you - so he decides your birthday is a great time to get back at you for something? Also - you cannot compare your Husband to your father. Your husband is not your father and you cannot expect him to treat you the same way your father did.
Reply:to be honest i would be devestated..............
Reply:I think that's really crappy of him. He sure does take you fro granted. No, that wouldn't fly with me. Not at all.
Reply:When this happened to me, I knew the jerk really didn't care it's so amazing to me what they can remember when they want to.
Reply:He's obviously extremely forgetfull when it comes to birthdays. Remind him a week before and put a great big notice up on the fridge with the words typed in large bold letters "Countdown to my birthday on ....... Forget at your peril!!" If he still forgets after this, divorce him.
Reply:But, you do have to go to that level. If you want him to see how it really feels then when his birthday comes around don't say anything. Go on like it is another day. Hard but true. Or next year when your birthday comes around go out and buy yourself something you want. Buy the flowers you like. Sorry but, if my husband showed up with something I was allergic too. He wouldn't make it in the door. Your husband hasn't forgot he is lazy and your letting him be. Turn about is fair play.......
Reply:Did he forget your birthday before you were married? If he did, then perhaps that is how he has always been. If he remembered your birthday when you were dating, but forgets now that you are married, there is something else wrong. I think that you need to open up the communication and ask him why he has trouble remembering an important date like your birthday, and why he buys you roses when he knows you are allergic to them. Men can become very self-absorbed when their wife does everything for them. It's not easy for them to reciprocate certain ideas and attitudes. You need to talk about this to him, making sure you are not being demanding. Tell him how you feel, and ask what his thoughts and feelings are. There might be stuff going on that you don't know about. Give him a chance to make things right.
Reply:Oh I feel bad for you.....I would be so hurt if my husband completely forgot my birthday.....a "happy birthday" or a card would have been great....but to forget it all together? That is oh so rude!
Reply:aaaaawwww....





Been there once, and I'm so sorry


it feels horrible!!





I think you should have a girl's weekend in Las Vegas for your next birthday


(and be sure to take pictures, including one of you with a boquet of your favorite flowers)!!





%26lt;3%26lt;3
Reply:You didn't tell him that your birthday was coming up because you wanted to play the victim, to see if he "loved" you. Some people are just bad with dates. Tell him that you love him and you are willing to accept late gifts. Tell him he can make it up to you....you want a nite on the town, and a wonderful present that shows how much he loves you (something with a lot of thought put into it) it doesn't have to be expensive, and a card with a special note saying exactly why he loves you. Some men just need guidance and advance warning. Tell him you will clear your schedule for next Friday nite and that will give him a week. Meanwhile, don't harp on what he didn't do just let him know how excited you are for the weekend. Then after he gives you that wonderful late birthday present, talk about it to your friends and family so he hears....brag on him a little.
Reply:oooooohhhhhhh........my husband knows better!!!!


SHAME ON HIM!!!!!


TIE HIM TO THE BED AND WHIP HIS BUTT!!
Reply:URG not my hubby but my "boyfriend" forgot mine! PISSED me off b/c his isn't until Nov and I already started planning his. SO I am trying to figure out if I should do the same thing to him that he did to me OR should I still go with the plans I had ( dinner , new jacket to match his motorcycle and a night of fun). THEN see what happens from there.
Reply:There's a bigger issue here than what you actually state.





You need to communicate to your husband how important it is to you that he celebrate your birthday. Make it clear on the calendars and ahead of time and reiterate that you're allegic to roses.





The bigger issue is that if he knows how important it is to you and still doesn't acknowledge it, that is showing you that he doesn't acknowledge what you care about or what makes you happy as being significant. If you don't have kids I would leave--that simple. If you do, go to counseling first.





You are right not to go down to that level and there are thousands of men with and without wives who remember their partners birthday every year.